Resident Evil, Jamaican Style
by magnumman13
Summary: Chapter 4 is now up! Please Read and Review
1. PotHeads

RESIDENT EVIL, JAMAICAN STYLE  
  
I don't own Resident Evil or any of its characters and I don't make any profits from it either.  
  
For several years no one had been in the old abandoned mansion, which was located deep in the forest in the Jamaican countryside. No one had been in the mansion for a while because no one knew about it, except for a select few. The owner of this mansion was a very powerful pharmaceutical company by the name of Umbrella. Umbrella had built this mansion in Jamaica for two reasons. The first is that they needed a cover for their underground lab, which I will get too later. The other is that they figured that nobody in Jamaica would ever find it, because every one in Jamaica is a pothead with bad memory. Little did they know that the Jamaican land was starting to diminish due to huge fields of pot, and it was becoming very hard for growers to find new and crop worthy fields to plant their plants.  
  
There were four such growers looking for a field to plant their crop when they happened to luck across the mansion. These four potheads were Tj, Ryan, Jake, and Mitchell. For their journey into the woods they packed what any Jamaican pothead would think was the essentials for a trip in the wood: a bag of Cheetos each, a bag of their best pot each, a straw (which was brought by Ryan for reasons only he knows), a cap gun (brought by Tj because he said we needed protection), and of course, a bong. Everyone was tired after their hike through the woods in search for a good place to plant their crop, they had never walked that far since the their car had broken down and they had to walk to the dealers house. When they stumbled upon the mansion everyone was very grateful to have found a place to rest. Mitchell pulled out his bag of Cheetos and grabbed a handful, everyone else saw Mitchell eating and they pulled out their bags and started munching too because they had just smoked a fat one a little while earlier. Through a mouthful of Cheetos Jake asked, "So, are we gonna crash in that house over there for the night or what?" "I don't know, should we," asked Tj. "No, I think we should probably head back to the road and come back some other time and try to find a place for our stuff," said Mitchell. Ryan had a sudden stroke of intelligence. "Dude, where is the road," he said. "I thought I told you to make sure we didn't get lost?" Mitchell asked. "You did?" he said. "I think I did." 


	2. Da Kool Aid

"So who's gonna open the door?" asked TJ. "Its not gonna be me I can tell you that," said Ryan with a defiant tone in his voice. "Lets take a vote," said Mitchell. "All those in favor of me?" Three hands went up. "Ok how about Jake?" Three hands went up. "Now for Tj." Again three hands went up. "Ok, what about Ryan?" This time four hands went up. Realizing what he had done, Ryan shouted out," No fair, you tricked me!" "Sorry man, you lose, four votes to three," said Jake. "You guys suck," he said while walking up to the door. Slowly he turned the knob and pulled. The door creaked loudly as it swung open, like it hadn't been opened in years. When they stepped inside they saw that, to their surprise, the mansion wasn't as run down as they had first thought by looking at the outside. Instead it was nicely decorated with a huge plush carpet, which ran from the front door to a huge staircase in the middle of the room. There were doors on the left and right side of the stairs against the wall. "So, what do we do now?" asked Tj. "How should I know," said Mitchell. "I don't know, you're usually the one that comes up with the bright ideas."  
  
"Maybe we should check some of those doors?" said Jake. "Good idea, Jake and I will check that door and you two stay here," said Mitchell. "Fine, but hurry back, and don't smoke anything while your gone," said Tj.  
  
With that Mitchell and Jake went into the left door. It appeared that this room was the dining room. They could tell because there was a big dinner table in the middle of the room. On the right side of the room was a grandfather that was still working. At the far end of the room was a fireplace. On the wall beside the fireplace was another door. When they reached the end of the room they went over to check out the fireplace. Underneath the fireplace on the rug was a huge stain. "Oh man, looks like somebody spilled their cool aid," said Jake. "Stupid, caint you tell that's ketchup," said Mitchell. Jake bent down and tasted the substance and quickly spat it out. "Man that aint ketchup, its blood," he said. "Oh shit!" exclaimed Mitchell. Just after he said that they heard a moan coming from behind the door that they hadn't checked yet. Then they heard a weak beating upon the door. "It might be a closet and somebody is locked up in there," said Jake. Having said that he opened the door. Out stepped a man in torn clothing and blood stained all over the front of his shirt. "Dude, are you all right?" asked Mitchell. "UNGH!" said the man as he started walking towards them with his hands outstretched. Only then did they realize that the mans face was misshapen due to the fact that half of it was hanging off. "What the hell is this!" said Jake as he backed away a step. At that moment the man lunged at Mitchell. Mitchell quickly backed away and the man missed and fell to the floor. That, however, did not stop the man a bit. Immediately he began to pull himself forward reaching out at Mitchell's shoe. The man had not noticed that Jake had circled around the man and had picked up a vase from the dining table and was positioning himself over the back of the man. "Now!" shouted Mitchell. Having said this Jake smashed the vase forcefully over the mans head, breaking the vase and the mans neck on impact. "Thanks," said Mitchell as he breathed a sigh of relief. "Don't worry about it," said Jake, also breathing a sigh of relief. "After that I think we both need to calm down a bit," sad Mitchell as he pulled out his bag of weed and the bong and started to light up. "Good point, we need to to calm our nerves," said Jake while pulling a seat up beside Mitchell.  
  
  
  
Hey thanks for reading my first FanFiction. If you give me time I can produce more chapters. And now to promote two friends who also have FanFictions. To TJ first of all who has the story called Unforgiveness. It has all of us in it as well and doesn't have potheads. And now to Jake who is in the process of writing one. I don't think it is up yet but its definitely on the way!! Oh yes and I almost forgot about Ryan's FanFiction. Don't know the name but I know it's about WWII so keep a look out! 


	3. Pothead Histaria

"What was that noise?" asked Tj. "Who cares about that, what is that smell?" said Ryan. "It smells to me like Mitchell and Jake have already started without us," said Tj, who had recognized the smell almost immediately. "Dude that's not cool, that's not cool at all," said Ryan. "They should have waited for us." Tj said, "Lets go join them and get in on the action." Ryan quickly replied, "You took the words right out of my mouth." Both of them jogged over to the door and went inside. Across the room they saw Mitchell and Jake and also saw to their horror that they had just finished with the bong and were now packing up to leave. They quickly ran over to where they were sitting. Tj asked, "Hey guys, what took you so damn long?" "We came across a little trouble," Mitchell said as he pointed to the dead man lying on the ground. Tj and Ryan hadn't noticed it before because they were too preoccupied with the fact that Mitchell and Jake had finished with the bong. "What the hell is that?" asked Ryan in disgust, while moving back several paces. "We don't really know what it was, other than the fact that it tried to attack me and it looked like it was dead a long time before Jake killed it with the vase. "Are you trying to tell me that that thing is a..a.a zombie?" asked Tj in disbelief. "As far as we can tell, yes, it is a zombie," said Jake. "Jake, how many times have I told you to stop drinkin the bong water?" asked Tj. Jake just shook his head. "I know what I saw and that thing is a zombie, it tried to eat me," said Mitchell. "Now what do we do?" asked Ryan. "I think we should just leave this house and look for someplace else to plant our pot," said Jake. The buzz was starting to wear off and he was starting to get nervous. "First I think we should all just relax a little," said Tj. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" said Mitchell with a smile. "Yup, its bong time." With that they all started to unpack their packs. They laid their Cheetos in a pile on the table for later. Mitchell took out the bong and they all loaded up. It was a custom bong, which had four outlets for all of them to smoke at the same time. In the middle of there second hit, they all heard a moan. They all looked down and to their horror they saw the zombie start to get up. In all of their fright they all exhaled at the same time. The smoke went directly into the zombies face, and to their amazement, the zombie smiled. The zombie just stood there for a minute smiling and then it let out another moan and launched itself at them. They all managed to get out of the way just in time. But again to their amazement, the zombie did not turn around. Instead, it attacked the Cheetos pile. Apparently the zombie had the munchies, and to their disappointment and disbelief, he ate all of the Cheetos, every last bite. "What the hell are you doing, those are our Cheetos," said Ryan in anger. The zombie turned to him as if he had just noticed him, and it was then that everyone realized that Ryan had made the zombie angry, because the zombie turned and started to shamble exceptionally fast towards them. Because everyone was high, they all did the same thing, which was run in the opposite direction, straight through the door in which the zombie came. They all ran as fast as they could and pretty soon they faced another door, which was unlocked. They went through it too. After that was another hall with more rooms. They went through another door. They did this for several minutes. In the end they stopped in a corridor with several rooms to catch their breath. "Where are we?" asked Ryan. "How should we know," replied Mitchell. "For all I know we could be in the middle of the mansion." Then the thought struck them, they were all lost in the middle of a mansion with zombies chasing after them, but worst of all, they had left most of their pot behind. 


	4. Secret Stash

"I don't believe it," said Tj with an awed expression. "I can't believe we left the whole stash." Ryan said in a hushed tone, "we aren't going to get out of this high, are we?" "Of course we are, don't talk like that," exclaimed Mitchell. "We will get high again. Some way, I don't know how, but we will get high again." Everyone looked around at each other silently after what Mitchell had said. Deep down they all knew, without a doubt, that the zombie had by now smoked all of their stash and was now looking for more. As if on time, they all heard a loud knock on the door at the far end of the hall, followed by a loud moan. "I don't believe it," said Jake. "How could that thing have followed us all the way to here? After that much pot, it couldn't have been able to find its own feet, let alone find us." "Maybe there are more of them," said Tj. "Or maybe its not affected as much as we are by the pot." "Dude, that was our best stuff," said Mitchell. "There is no way that thing wasn't affected." "It's a zombie, who knows how pot affects it," said Jake. "Anyway, who cares, it doesn't look like it can open doors. I think that we take stock of what we do have, ok?" "Fine," said Mitchell. "All I have is a little box of matches." Tj said, "I have the cap gun." Having said that, everyone looked at him in a confused sort of way. "Ok," said Jake. "I have the bong, but I don't know how much good that will do us." "I have the straw," said Ryan. "Wait, I just found this." With that he pulls out a medium sized bag full to the top with pure green heaven. "There is a god," exclaimed Tj as he hurries to get the bong from Jake. "LIGHT IT UP, LIGHT IT UP, LIGHT IT UP!" yelled Ryan as he quickly pulls some out of the bag and puts I into the bong. Mitchell brought out the matches and lit the bong. For a few minutes no one spoke, only toked. After a couple of hits on the bong, smoke had drifted all throughout the hall, even through the door in which the zombie was trying to break through. Smelling the pot drove the zombie wild. He threw himself at the door with all of his zombie might and broke the door down. The four potheads hadn't even noticed the door breaking down. They only realized that the zombie was in the hall was when he was five feet away, bearing down upon them. The zombie lunged at them and latched on to Ryan's leg. Ryan tried to pull himself away but the zombie had a strong grip. POW! POW! POW! POW! Everyone, even the zombie, stopped and looked. There was Tj, pulling the trigger on the cap gun, screaming at the top of his lungs, "DIE DIE DIE." Bye now the zombie had let go of Ryan's leg and was just staring at Tj with his mouth open. Realizing what was happening, Mitchell yelled, "Everyone, run!" He didn't have to yell it twice. By the time the zombie knew what was happening, everyone had fled down the hall and into the unopened door. It turned out that the unopened door led straight to the outside into the backyard. The whole yard was enclosed with a twenty-foot high fence. In the middle of the yard was a huge pool, and in the middle of the pool was a statue of a woman. On two sides of the pool were slots where a medallion of some sort could be placed. One of the medallions was already in place and the other was lying on the ground where it should have been placed. Being the curious type, Ryan went over and put the second medallion in its place. When he did this, the pool drained revealing a set of steps and an elevator. "Should we go down?" asked Jake. "I don't think we have any choice," replied Mitchell. With that all four of them crowded into the elevator and Tj pressed the down button. "Here we go," said Tj. 


End file.
